(Featured article in Return to Balance Ezine: August 30, 2014)
A few months ago I made the decision to take it easier this summer by not working on any new projects or programs for work. Here in Madison, we have had spectacular weather and I’m happy to say I’ve been soaking up every ounce. My challenge, however, has been to let all of the project ideas surface and percolate and not act on them. In the past, I would get an idea and then need to have it done…perfectly…like right now, perhaps you can relate. That “right now” mode can be a really tough (and potentially unhealthy) way to live. Thankfully becoming a parent continually loosens my grip on perfectionism and that need to have it done yesterday mentality…unfortunately it’s often by force.
I knew that when I became a mom “my life would never be the same” and would be “changed forever”, mostly because everyone told me so…repeatedly. What I don’t recall is someone saying to me “being a nurturing parent will push you beyond your best and bring you face to face with your demons almost daily”. Recently those demons have been lack of compassion and patience. While most days I have substantially more patience than I did a year ago or even a few months ago, it still often falls short of that which my 3 year old deserves.
I was excited when a colleague of mine introduced me to a proactive parenting approach that focuses more on putting your energy into nurturing the behaviors you want to foster in your child rather than focusing your time and energy on dealing with unacceptable behaviors. Often times it is easy to focus on what isn’t working, what isn’t getting done, what’s wrong, what’s “not good enough” etc. but can be harder to see the good in day to day life and celebrate what’s right. To help remind myself of this commitment to my daughter, I repeatedly held the intention in my mind and my heart to “see the good” and “don’t water the weeds”.
I’ve found over the years that once I connect to what I want in life and make a claim to show up a certain way, the universe says “ok you want this, prove it”. I’ll get back to this in a minute.
Last week my mom came to visit and it was amazing how much I got done with having an extra set of hands and eyes around. It also made me realize just how much comfort I find in organization and efficiency. Unfortunately most days a toddler is the antithesis of organization and efficiency. At the end of my mom’s visit I was incredibly grateful for getting so much done, especially the things that had been on my to-do list all year that just kept getting pushed onto the back burner. {Thanks again mom for all your help :-) }
This week it was back to slightly organized chaos and taking all day to get very little done. In the wake of last week’s extreme efficiency, this was hard to tolerate and that get it done now demon began to surface along with frustration and resentment. Sadly, my tone with my daughter became one of intolerance and I had forgotten about that commitment I had made earlier in the month to see the good.
I’ve mentioned before that pain is our guidance system that something is out of balance. Well let’s just say that my system wasn’t too keen on this energy of intolerance and resentment and decided to teach me a lesson. My body often likes to take the frying pan up side the head approach and strike hard and fast. Thankfully I’ve learned over the years that when these “healing crises” come on that there is almost always a lesson to be learned. As I found gratitude for things like being able to breathe out of even one nostril, being upright, having the slightest voice to talk to my daughter and found greater compassion and patience for myself, I began to find compassion and patience for my daughter and remembered that commitment I had made to see the good. Once I heard what my body was trying to say and began to treat myself and my daughter with greater compassion and patience the symptoms began to dissipate. The lesson: compassion and tolerance for what is and choosing wisely how and where I direct my time and energy.
You can truly only focus your energy on one thing at a time. Are you seeing the good and fostering and nurturing what you love and desire for yourself and your life? OR Are you watering the weeds by focusing your attention, efforts and energy on what you don’t want in your life?
My heart-felt wish for you this holiday weekend and beyond is to find compassion and patience for yourself and those around you whether you are having a great day or fighting to put one foot in front of the other. Take a moment to see what’s right in your life, celebrate those baby steps you are making and know deep down that you truly are doing the best you know how given what you know. Lastly, remember what you focus on EXPANDS.
It’s easy to get fixated on the pain and spend a lot of time stuck in the break down before getting to the break through when you don’t have the proper tools in your toolbox and support. I’ve been fortunate to study various techniques and work with numerous mentors over the years who have helped me to expand my skill set and ability to find gratitude and the lesson even in pain. Contact me if you are ready to decode (and stop) those signals of pain and tension and hear the lessons and wisdom your body has been trying to reveal to you.
A few months ago I made the decision to take it easier this summer by not working on any new projects or programs for work. Here in Madison, we have had spectacular weather and I’m happy to say I’ve been soaking up every ounce. My challenge, however, has been to let all of the project ideas surface and percolate and not act on them. In the past, I would get an idea and then need to have it done…perfectly…like right now, perhaps you can relate. That “right now” mode can be a really tough (and potentially unhealthy) way to live. Thankfully becoming a parent continually loosens my grip on perfectionism and that need to have it done yesterday mentality…unfortunately it’s often by force.
I knew that when I became a mom “my life would never be the same” and would be “changed forever”, mostly because everyone told me so…repeatedly. What I don’t recall is someone saying to me “being a nurturing parent will push you beyond your best and bring you face to face with your demons almost daily”. Recently those demons have been lack of compassion and patience. While most days I have substantially more patience than I did a year ago or even a few months ago, it still often falls short of that which my 3 year old deserves.
I was excited when a colleague of mine introduced me to a proactive parenting approach that focuses more on putting your energy into nurturing the behaviors you want to foster in your child rather than focusing your time and energy on dealing with unacceptable behaviors. Often times it is easy to focus on what isn’t working, what isn’t getting done, what’s wrong, what’s “not good enough” etc. but can be harder to see the good in day to day life and celebrate what’s right. To help remind myself of this commitment to my daughter, I repeatedly held the intention in my mind and my heart to “see the good” and “don’t water the weeds”.
I’ve found over the years that once I connect to what I want in life and make a claim to show up a certain way, the universe says “ok you want this, prove it”. I’ll get back to this in a minute.
Last week my mom came to visit and it was amazing how much I got done with having an extra set of hands and eyes around. It also made me realize just how much comfort I find in organization and efficiency. Unfortunately most days a toddler is the antithesis of organization and efficiency. At the end of my mom’s visit I was incredibly grateful for getting so much done, especially the things that had been on my to-do list all year that just kept getting pushed onto the back burner. {Thanks again mom for all your help :-) }
This week it was back to slightly organized chaos and taking all day to get very little done. In the wake of last week’s extreme efficiency, this was hard to tolerate and that get it done now demon began to surface along with frustration and resentment. Sadly, my tone with my daughter became one of intolerance and I had forgotten about that commitment I had made earlier in the month to see the good.
I’ve mentioned before that pain is our guidance system that something is out of balance. Well let’s just say that my system wasn’t too keen on this energy of intolerance and resentment and decided to teach me a lesson. My body often likes to take the frying pan up side the head approach and strike hard and fast. Thankfully I’ve learned over the years that when these “healing crises” come on that there is almost always a lesson to be learned. As I found gratitude for things like being able to breathe out of even one nostril, being upright, having the slightest voice to talk to my daughter and found greater compassion and patience for myself, I began to find compassion and patience for my daughter and remembered that commitment I had made to see the good. Once I heard what my body was trying to say and began to treat myself and my daughter with greater compassion and patience the symptoms began to dissipate. The lesson: compassion and tolerance for what is and choosing wisely how and where I direct my time and energy.
You can truly only focus your energy on one thing at a time. Are you seeing the good and fostering and nurturing what you love and desire for yourself and your life? OR Are you watering the weeds by focusing your attention, efforts and energy on what you don’t want in your life?
My heart-felt wish for you this holiday weekend and beyond is to find compassion and patience for yourself and those around you whether you are having a great day or fighting to put one foot in front of the other. Take a moment to see what’s right in your life, celebrate those baby steps you are making and know deep down that you truly are doing the best you know how given what you know. Lastly, remember what you focus on EXPANDS.
It’s easy to get fixated on the pain and spend a lot of time stuck in the break down before getting to the break through when you don’t have the proper tools in your toolbox and support. I’ve been fortunate to study various techniques and work with numerous mentors over the years who have helped me to expand my skill set and ability to find gratitude and the lesson even in pain. Contact me if you are ready to decode (and stop) those signals of pain and tension and hear the lessons and wisdom your body has been trying to reveal to you.